Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past… 10 years, is it?… you’ll know how the Christmas number one works.
What was once a coveted position, which was claimed by the “best” Xmas-themed single, has become rather tarnished in recent times, with the British public flocking to purchase whatever is served up by reality TV. No more the good old days where Slade fought off Wizzard for the coveted top slot, or even the it’s-ok-it’s-all-in-a-good-cause megalith that was BandAid.
More recent years, as older readers will tell you, had seen the greatest prize in pop become a battle between marketing divisions at the major record labels. Though that has nothing on the past four years – which has been a battle between the judges on a talent show (oh, and the singers they ‘mentor’).
Despite honourable efforts of the likes of Gary Jules (successful), the JCB Song (near miss), Jeff Buckley (would have been better than nowt) and Malcolm Middleton (an unlikely number one no matter the season) the Xmas charts have been dominated by a series of interchangeable karaoke acts – Shane Jackson, Leona Burke – from the X Factor stable.
There is of course the point that Simon Cowell’s musical sausage machine is perfectly entitled Grinch-like, to hijack Christmas. Yes, make no mistake – Cowell is, in best pantomime villain, behind you. And he’s probably picking your pocket.
However, and unless you’ve been living under a rock without internet access – you’ll know that the organisers of the Rage Against The Machine For Christmas No 1 campaign simply want Christmas back. (edit: the link now points to ragegroup.co.uk, which will redirect to the Facebook page – apparently the original group has ‘vanished’ more than once… conspiracy? Why, yes…)
Sadly, the choice of RATM, it’s “I won’t do what you tell” me” sentiment – and the possibility of a sweary Xmas number one – is a little flawed.
It’s not just that it’s on a major label. Sony isn’t just any old major.
Sony is heavily connected to, yes, Simon Cowell – it’s estimated that he generates 70% of Sony’s profits via his artists. So you can be sure that in the unlikely event of Christmas number one not being the X Factor offering, several hundred thousand sales of ‘Killing In The Name’ would soften the blow.
And given the fact that Cowell chose to speak out against the campaign and give it a huge publicity boost, he’s clearly loving every minute. And counting the days, like an excited kid the week before Christmas, until the royalties come in and he ‘gets’ the number one and two.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t buy Rage. It’s your choice, and if it gets ahead of the X Factor tune – whatever that turns out to be – it can hardly be a bad thing, even just for the chance that Cowell will be pissed off. “I think it’s quite a cynical campaign geared at me that is actually going to spoil the party for these three,” he pontificated, as if when they signed up for the X factor, Wee Joe, Crazy Stacey, and The Other One got a personal guarantee of a place in the Guinness Book of Hit Singles.
But as we suggest, other Christmas songs are available. There are already campaigns for Captain Beefheart and Surfjan Stevens.
But for us, you can’t beat the world-weary genius of Half Man Half Biscuit’s ‘It’s Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas’. With a full Let’s Get HMHB to Number two internet campaign behind it, and ticking all the boxes on what a good Christmas number one should have, we would implore you to buy this, even for the chance of the band getting on Xmas Top Of The Pops.
If, of course, Tranmere aren’t playing at home.