Songs about footballers (Serious Drinking’s ‘Bobby Moore Was Innocent’) are typically easier to swallow than songs by footballers (Clint Dempsey rapping in ‘Don’t Tread’). Unfortunately, Bedfordshire’s Guildean Gang’s ‘Dennis Bergkamp’ is neither. (Though the couplet “We can fit together / we can stick together” could be alluding to a Thierry Henry-Bergy partnership as much as courting and coitus, no?)
Lyrics dance around relationship issues, never quite expressing anything of merit. The song is more enchanting sonically, fusing stuttering drums and sci-fi-soundtrack synthesizers with sharp and spacious guitar melodies. Guildean Gang doesn’t produce a rousing victory, but it’s still inherently satisfying. You know, like a home draw to Man U.
