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Colonel Mustard & The Dijon 5

In colour (10 with Betty Mayonnaise)

By • Nov 8th, 2016 • Category: Q&A

Boasting 50-odd members (though no more than 30 tend to appear onstage at any one time) the Yellow Movement is gathering pace.

Scotland’s biggest party band, the tartan So Solid Crew, the Alabama Three Hundred – none of these names attached to the the Colonel and his chums. Betty Mayonnaise caught up with Colonel John Thomas McMustard himself…

So, Mr B – you might find a common thread, or colour, running through the questions…

1. What is your favourite colour, and why?

Tope, because tope is dope!

2. Turmeric – an interesting spice… What is your favourite turmeric-containing food?

Tumerical alphabetti spaghetti

3. Submarines – what colour do you prefer and do you know a song about this?

Red. The Hunt for Red October, the prequel to Wycleffe Jean’s ‘Gone Til November’.

4. Betty believes there is a movement going on, related to some kind of colour – can you elaborate please?

Yellow Movement, it’s what you want it to be. It’s your own positive revolution, wherever you are!! The first musical revolution for all ages, all generations, all people, all places, all colours all races. Any and no religion, every and all origin, for those that hate their day job, for those without a voice, for those that lack freedom of choice. This is an uprising of ideas and colours, of making good memories and fulfilling the imagination of ourselves and one another.


5. Do you play Cluedo, and if so, what of the six pieces would you choose, and what is the character?

They’ve recently modernised Cluedo in the new version – I would choose Countess Crae Crae, with the death stare in the open plan Living Area

6. Dijon is a city in France – have you ever visited, and if so how did you find it?

Dijon is our spiritual home, centuries ago our ancestor monks travelled from Dijon fleeing persecution, to an Abbey known as Buckfast, to help pay for the upkeep of the abbey they made various produces to sell including a medicinal wine known as Buckfast Tonic Wine our Fathers were sent in juice lorries with crates of these wines to places such as Coatbridge, Glenboig and Motherwell to sell these wares and ended up settling down with local girls and setting up home in Scotland. Through the merriment of the wine we honed our musical skills. Dijon travelled and brought some Va va boom to North Lanarkshire.

7. What supermarket had a bright coloured “basics” range in the 1990s, and what colour was it?

We only shop local, so we can’t answer that question, but I’ll take a guess, purple and What Every Woman Wants

8. Pink custard was a school staple in the 1970s – what colour should it really be, and is, normally?

Pink custard should always be pink

9. Does music feel better if associated with a particular colour, and if so why?

I think so, otherwise there would be no such thing as lighting at gigs.

10. My pal suffers from synesthesia – so what colour does he think The Dijon Five are, any guesses?

I always wondered when I would get to use this in real life, I’d almost given up hope , thinking it was a school thing. This is quite clearly a trick question Synesthesia is an anagram of The easy sine. Your pal doesn’t think we’re a colour, he thinks we are hypotenuses!

In mathematics, the sine is a trigonometric function of an angle. The sine of an acute angle is defined in the context of a right triangle: for the specified angle, it is the ratio of the length of the side that is opposite that angle to the length of the longest side of the triangle (the hypotenuse).

Or if like me, you don’t know what that means, just press the wee sine button on your calculators, the Dijon 5 will be with you in 5 minutes from that time. The Sine button is our Sword of Omens or Go Go Power Rangers type button, it is is our biscuits alive!

Next invasion from the Dijon is the band’s Christmas party on Friday December 23rd, at O2 ABC Glasgow (7-10pm) with guests Bombskare and Nipples of Venus. Details at

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