Nigel Blackwell has a new song, he tells us. Victim meets offender for coffee. Coffee is shit.
In this scenario we are the victims, of HMHB’s success. 18 (18!) years ago, maybe a hundred people in The Attic, and that was during the summer.
Now, we’re reduced to groveling to The Mate Of The Girl Who Did The Posters for a ticket as the briefs are snapped up by Biscuit tourists and the traveling support, in (Dukla Prague) away kit, of course. Unsurprising given the band’s top 40 status, building on their canonisation by the late John Peel and general acceptance as ‘national treasures’ by, well, pretty much everyone apart from the mainstream media. So the most likely victims in the sold-out Liquid Room would be, you’d imagine, those audience members packed in, stage centre. That said, the rather reserved Embra crowd seem even less inclined to mosh than usual. But it’s either there or a spot under the balconies, where the sound is somewhat muddy – not ideal for a lyrics-based act.
Top Pop Quiz points if you can pick out the lyrics in the band’s walk-on music. Wagnerian for sure, though the impact is lessened when Neil’s bass packs in and he spends a full 10 minutes dismantling and reassembling it (some wag suggests “a proper transformer” is required).
This has the happy side-effect of frontman Nigel getting the opportunity to, er, unveil some new material – though Carl, perhaps mercifully, remains silent behind his kit. We get one-and-a-half songs in total including ‘A Man In Constant Sorrow’ whose “garage is in constant use”.
Eventually, following an acoustic ‘Vatican Broadside’, Neil’s ready, Nigel opens a bag of crisps (cheese and onion, though could be old-school salt and vinegar I suppose) and we’re off.
A Biscuits gig, without being in any way organised, has certain ‘constants’. These days, at least, they will play ‘Trumpton Riots’, ‘Dukla Prague Away Kit’, ‘Joy Division Oven Gloves’, ‘Chatteris’, ‘Light At The End Of The Tunnel’, and ‘Everything’s AOR’. The Hits, pretty much. Anything else is open to the whims of the band, though not the audience, as requests will be met with “yup, that’s one of ours” (another ‘constant’, I suppose). Guitarist Ken will also be the subject of a factoid – tonight, we learn he was “the first man in Wallasey to eat kettle chips”.
And, fairly predictably, there will be one cock-up caused by an insistence on hand-written setlists, as ‘Bob Todd’ starts and then peters out presumably due to the rest of the band playing something entirely different.
There will be a one-on-one discussion with an audience member on the Tour de France – this year’s tip is 150-1 on world champ Kwiatkowski – “unless I’m missing something”… ponders Blackwell. “Maybe come July he’ll be a martyr to asthma”. We also get detail on the band’s journey and their extra-curricular activities – the singer selecting a Turner exhibition in lieu of a trip to Edinburgh Zoo, as there’s every chance someone will mispronounce orang-utan. (See also Hopkin, Mary).
All this chit-chat and trivia may imply that the gig was somehow predictable, or not up to scratch. On the contrary, HMHB shows are simply habitually great nights out, and the band’s considerable back catalogue means that no two are the same (plus, live shows occur so rarely that the same set being wheeled out every couple of years, frankly, wouldn’t be a problem for anyone present). But yes, amongst the comedy gold, there’s music too, lest we forget – selections from top 40 (did we mention that?) album ‘Urge For Offal’ at the forefront. Perhaps more ‘rock’ than recent efforts, the tunes come across as even louder, more punk, more muscular than on record – big on choruses, ‘The Unfortunate Gwatkin’ and ‘The Bane Of Constance ‘contrast vividly with the album’s title track which even utilises acoustic guitar.
Come 10.08pm and following the customary cover encore (Tommy James’ ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’) we’re done and already discussing the next show (circa 2017, probably). At this rate it’ll be in the Corn Exchange, assuming it’s not been shut down by then. However, sometimes it seems that Half Man Half Biscuit will be around forever.